I tried to buy cigarettes that were banned 3 years ago.
Hello, and welcome back to my blog. So I wrote on my hand last night, a whole bunch of stuff that I wanted to talk to you about. And then I had a shower and then I washed my face. And then I wash my hands. And now I can't quite read what it says. But we'll go anyway, definitely says about dropping the ball, looks like courgettes, grateful for life and three alumni members left this week. So let's start there.
So I have two main services, well, one main service is called the agency. And if you know me, you'll have heard me talking about it before, it's a year long mentorship, marketing programme. And after the agency, people can opt to continue in on a service that I call the Alumni Now you can only do the alumni if you've worked with me before. And so the alumni are full of people who have worked with me for a long time. And it's a really nice service. So I kind of take them out. Like the whole point of the alumni is it's a way of staying accountable, staying kind of close to a little group of people who kind of just get it. And also, I take them out once a quarter.
So I take them out and spoil them, feed them, put drinks in their body, not alcohol, if they don't want to be coffee, and then take them on activities and just remind them to kind of reconnect with themselves for a day. Really lovely. We always have a great time. The alumni are only like a rolling commitment. So quarterly rolling commitment. Today, yesterday, I had three people drop out now, I don't think we're in Go. But what's happened recently is the alumni has grown because one round of the agencies finished. And so there's another round of people who are ready to join the alumni. And I don't know if it's that but you know, sometimes when there's new people in a group, it can change a group dynamic. And I wonder if it's that, but yeah, three people left.
So one person said that they had some family commitments they needed to concentrate on and another member did say that they prefer the smaller group, there's nothing I can do about that. And another one's just kind of good with life at the moment. And of course, the initial reaction is our bombs, you know, you don't really want people to leave, you want people to stay with you forever and ever and ever. But the reality is that they shouldn't, like Instagram will have you believe that people are people who will spend money with you over and over again.
And you know, but the reality is people might buy like one thing from you, they might buy a few things from you if they really, really liked you. But then after a while they go and find someone else that kind of will serve them in a different way and serve a different purpose. And that's okay. And I kind of have to remember that I live by this quote, where I'm the middle of the mountain, like I am not at the top of the mountain guru kind of calling down and getting everyone to join me at the top of the mountain, I like to think of myself as the person in the middle of the mountain. And I'll put my hand down to pull you up. And you can stand on my shoulders to reach the top. And I'll keep doing that and keep doing that. So these three people in particular, they're definitely they don't, you know, they're on the moving up their mountain.
And sometimes you have to be like, grateful. Of course, like when you kind of lose a client is a bit sad, especially these ones, I've developed such a big relationship with them over the years. I mean, one of them in particular has been in three years, you know, they really, they're good to go. It's sad, like, I get to know them really, really well. But equally, I have to remember that my job's done. And I guess this is a lot more like service led business, have much of a conversation. Like it's not, it's not really like products is different. But when you are providing a service or like consulting or you know, you have to know when your job's done. And for those three in particular, like my job has been done, which feels a bit sad, but I'm going to let them go with love and understand that they, you know, they're all owning really, really cool businesses, and they all in their own ways have found, like their own stride and their own thing and their own move that they're going to do next. So I have to be good for that.
And also, like I'm feeling a bit reflective this week, like not even not like it's not gonna be like my normal episode where I'm weeping on the floor. There was a little bit of wondering if I've dropped the ball. I don't know if I have Can someone tell me you know, I wrote this in my diary actually last night like I feel like I'm doing all right. Is that weird to admit? Isn't vs reality. Have a look at Instagram? Like it looks like I'm really really busy and I am really really busy and I'm No, I'm really, really busy. But I don't think I'm necessarily dropping the ball in many places. I think I don't want to jinx it, but I think it's all going okay. And then when it's going, Okay, I don't know about you, but then you start to think like, oh my god, something's gonna go wrong. Like, I can't trust that okayness you know, I mean, is that normal? Do you get that? Is that normal? Did you get that? Is that cool? Yeah. I don't know. You know, like, when you look at Instagram, and everyone's doing so well, and everyone's kind of sharing their best life, you kind of sit and wonder if they think the same things as you.
And I had a moment actually. I will share a little bit. I had a moment a few weeks ago, where I really felt like nobody understood me like nobody understood like, how I was feeling what was going on. I feel like I'm a roller coaster icon up at the moment. Bring on tightly Actually, no, you know, Nemesis is it nemesis, Oblivion, Oblivion at Alton Towers. And as soon as it drops, like, you know, when it hangs, you remember the edge of the big drop, and then it drops you like I am on that drop, and is continuing. But when I like drop is the opposite way, like it's going up. I'm white knuckling this at the moment. And I was starting to wonder like, does anyone actually feel the way I feel? Does anyone else understand it? Anyone's get me? And so I texted a few people actually. I thought, You know what?
There's a bunch of people who've turned around to me, they're like, always your friend. You can always text me. If there's anything that you need, you know. And because we're in business, and there are other people in business, you kind of wonder if that's true. I don't know if this is just me. And this, probably, again, is another episode of me, revealing way too much about myself. I don't know if it's just me. But sometimes I feel like nobody gets me. And especially like, with business friends who have said like, just ring me, like, talk to me, bring me anything. I know that when I say that to other people, I mean it like I mean, just if you need me, you just text me or just ring me and I'll sit in chat. Doesn't matter if I've met you through business, through school, through life or anything like that. In fact, to be totally honest, I feel very close to a lot more at my business friends and like life friends, because we have shared similar kind of life dreams, goals and ambitions.
So I thought if I can both said it, so I'm going to text them. Oh, my God, what a response like I texted each person. I hate to admit that I did this, actually. But I copy and pasted a message to a few people. I changed it a bit, depending on who they were. But I just kind of wanted a bit of a group. The reason why I did it was I wanted group feedback, like I wanted the text messages went something along the lines of if you had like one piece of advice to give me. You know, I know you're watching what I'm doing and all that kind of stuff. What would you say like what would your piece of advice be?
And not one of them gave me advice.
Every single one of them talks about they were like what's wrong? Oh, fine, what? How do you know something is wrong? How do you know that I have something up. But yeah, they recognised it's funny because I think they recognise that question in themselves. And so immediately, we're like, I know, this question doesn't come from a place of certainty. I know this question comes from something else. And so each one of them texted me back. Like, what is this? No, I'm not gonna give you any advice. What is this? Like? What's up? What's going on? I think it was just like, we just question everything. And I realised I'm not on my own. How does that sound? How does that sound out there in the ether of podcasting? Yeah, I realised. I'm not. I mean, other people get it. And even if they're not doing it in the same exact circumstance, I got so caught up about the fact that I'm employing loads of people in paying pensions. Like none of my other friends are doing this. But they are doing it in their own way. Some of them might not be going down like the employment route they might be getting freelancers in but they have responsibilities to other people. They're building teams and I've got my own head about it, but I'm texting my friends.
You know what in all honesty before, I would have been calling them like, Oh, they're my business people. But now they're my friends. If you listen to this, uma Frane Why is it taking me so long? To sit and work that out and go through that for myself? Why am I why, but on the in the same vein, I just wanted to discuss the fact that sometimes, like when everything's going well, you can feel like some Links gonna fuck up, like, something must go wrong for things to go right you know, and the whole I'm not gonna jinx it so everything's going okay.
I mean, there's things that I like that I've still messed up on this week like, I didn't realise I had to pay the rent by standing order, you know, still waiting for the internet. I still haven't had a letter from the government about electricity, but I know we're using it. The water I think it's included in. If you've listened to last week's episode, you'll understand why I say that. Let me let me read through some of the other things by hand. Three alumni people left tech covered that grateful for life. I am grateful for life. We don't Gosh, this isn't reflective episode. We don't realise like how incredibly privileged we are. When we own businesses, we get so like, I definitely I get so caught up like this isn't working.
Or like I need to do something more I need to be busy bla bla bla, with whilst forgetting that I am totally in charge of my own week, I can go to the kids assemblies whenever I like, I can not work if I want to. And making my own money. I'm totally in control of everything that's around me. You know, and I'm living in a house. I have food in the fridge. I have petrol in the car. That's one thing my husband always says to me when I'm getting freaked out about money hands up, who also gets freaked out about money? Because pretty sure I'm not the only one. I don't know about you.
But for the year like gears, my personal finance has been in turmoil because I've been propping up the business, right ale is getting better now. But business takes a lot of strain on you. Not just emotionally and physically but also financially. And so when I can feel myself slipping a little bit out of control of the money, the money I'm like. So my husband has to remind me, Listen, there's food in the fridge as petrol in the car. And you're in a house. You're doing good. So life is good. dropping the ball.
Oh, cigarettes, it says cigarettes. Yes, I had a great story to tell you. So why not about one about one or two? The bit when I told you that I was texting my friends. Yeah. What I also did at that point is I decided, after 12 years, 13 years, maybe of not smoking a cigarette, I thought what better way to stop smoking again, then right now, when I'm having an existential crisis, about the way that I think about myself is brilliant, brilliant timing to add nicotine into the mix.
So I've been thinking about it for weeks. Do you know what it was? I saw some? I don't know if anyone listening is like an ex-smoker. I wasn't used to smoking loads. Like if you listen to my story, I used to smoke Menthols. Yeah, when I was homeless, because it's what you do when you're homeless ‘init’, and carried on for a little bit after that, but gave up quite quickly, quite easily, actually. And I saw someone walking down the street when I was super stressed out about all those things before I texted my friends. And I was like that woman looks so calm smoking on that cigarette. I want that calmness. So I thought you know what, I'm gonna go and buy cigarettes.
This is how long I have not bought cigarettes.
So I went to the trouble of feeling good about myself. So I'll ask them my normal. You know, from 13 years ago, the cashier was not at the cashier bit. So I went to go and find her. I was like, Oh, can I buy some cigarettes, please? Yeah, sure. How old do you have? You know, she went? Yeah, sure. Have you got your ID? I was like, oh, no, but can I get some menthols, please? And by the time he got to the till. I was like, oh, yeah, I don't have my ID. She was like, I know. You don't need it because Marlboro Menthols were banned in 2020, I thought oh my god, I couldn't imagine being shamed. Because you haven't bought cigarettes for a long time. Thank you.
So anyway, she sold me these cigarettes with these like menthol burst puppets because I'm such a pussy. I can't smoke a proper cigarette. Menthol bass bits in the filter And she was like I don't. I don't really know how they work. We had this whole discussion about it but you like, you like to squeeze the filter and it bursts a little bit of menthol flavour. So I got home feeling cooler shit, you know because I am a 90s girl and it was super cool to smoke in the 90s feeling the coolest shit and lit one way it's so disgusting. Oh, oh lol Oh my God.
Now I remember why I stopped like the taste of this Oh, the smell oh needless to say they ended up in the bin very swiftly I think I had one, one little puff on a Marlboro cigarette blow after thinking about it for a week sticks variants of my recent life. So if you feel like your stress and your business is driving you to the point at which you're going to need some Marlboro Menthols. They don't exist anymore. That's a helpful, helpful announcement there.
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On that note, I'll leave you to next week. And I'll say adios, have a lovely week.